I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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