1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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