so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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