THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
