Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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