His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
