he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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