Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You have to summon your inner elephant
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
