Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
