wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
