The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
