So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize