She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
