You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
