Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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