I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
