If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
