just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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