there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's official drugs can't kill me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
