If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
