It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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