Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
