My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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