I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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