Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
