Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
