So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
