WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
