used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize