he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
