watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize