Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
