wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
