How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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