Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
