He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
