I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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