Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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