I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
