Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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