she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
