i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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