I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize