and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize