I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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