yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
