On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
