Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
