This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
