We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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