Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
