Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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