It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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