girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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