idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's rum buckets o'clock
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
