Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
