proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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