How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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