Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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