And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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