Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
