It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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