don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
