i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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