Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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