I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
